I AM ADHD ME! - Self Advocating

ADHD is kind of invisible, no one can just look at someone standing there and see if they have ADHD. There is also no real style of ADHD that all ADHD’ers have. We all have different representations of our symptoms. So ADHD is kind of not noticed, so unless you point it out, a lot of people may not even see it. Now a days, we are meeting people more and more each day, introductions are becoming a common daily activity. We are taking time to introduce ourself in meetings and in groups. I remember a time (and bare with me I’m probably going to age myself here) but I remember a time when we had meetings at work and they would just introduce people if they were talking. You never knew who the person was that was sitting next to you in the meeting. Although with the changing times and especially with online meetings, and how our names show up under our faces, its a little more easier to introduce ourselves since our faces are just sitting there on the screen anyways, so it is now more important to know who is involved in the meeting.

One thing that has started to become common practice has been introducing yourself and adding your pronouns. This is a curtesy to everyone in the meeting so that people in the meeting know how to appropriately address you. The key is to have people feel comfortable when they are communicating with each other. For me, when this started to be a common practice I struggled with it because I was so use to just saying my name and that was it. I never shared anything about myself with people, but as I started to participate in this behaviour I started to feel better when introducing myself. By adding my pronouns people could get to know me a bit more. Then I started to think, “Sure I like others to know my pronouns are She/Her, but I also want them to know I’m ADHD.” I started thinking, both of these things are important for people in the meeting to know about me so that I can comfortably and effectively communicate with everyone in the meeting. So this post is about how to introduce yourself in a way to self advocate for your ADHD.

There are many options and styles you can use when you are presenting your ADHD to others.

You can do what I do, (although I’ll be honest not many people take this approach that I have seen). When I find myself in areas where I know it will make an impact in how people communicate with me if they know I am ADHD I will boldly say “Hi I’m Sheena-Shay, I Am ADHD and you can call me Sheena or Shay.” Even at work, every time we have to do DREADED introductions I say “Hello, I’m Sheena, I am ADHD and I’m happy to meet you”  I never say I “have” ADHD because it’s not a condition I “have”, it wasn’t given to me, I didn’t catch it, it is simply a part of who I am and how I exist, so I introduce myself by saying I am ADHD because that is a part of how I identity.

Now I would never tell people that this is the way you have to introduce yourself, it’s just something I am comfortable doing. In my experience I have been very, very lucky by using this approach because most of the time it’s accepted very casually and sometimes someone else will even say “oh me too”. I will admit that when I use this approach there is always at least one individual in the room that will react, most likely subconsciously, but they do often make a face. Sometimes this face is of boredom, or annoyance, I have even seen a face of disgust once, but it simply is how it is. I’d rather have one person in a group not take advantage of getting to know me, then to not say it at all and risk having a group struggle to understand me and having me work even harder to communicate with them in the future.

Now this approach is not for everyone and honestly isn’t even the best option in all cases. I use that bold approach mostly when I’m needing to formally introduce myself, often I use it at work, I have used it in presentations, I always use it in interviews because if someone is trying to get to know me and they are asking me questions about myself they want to know things, and I’m willing to share these things.

I don’t use this approach when I’m introducing myself to casual Acquaintances or in a social gathering, but I am very open of my ADHD self and if you happen to meet me in a casual or social setting, and if I happen to NOT be wearing one of my “I AM ADHD ME” apparel, I do usually slip in the conversation that I am ADHD. I even do it at work when I’m dealing with customers or clients. I’ll say or do something and if I realize it’s something they noticed. Like if I’m stimming (self stimulatory behaviour) I’ll say “oops sorry, that’s just my ADHD, let me just get continue to help you” Recently one of my new stims has been nose touching. I keep tapping the tip of my nose, with a finger, or the back of my hand, or with a pen. Just keep Tap tap tapping. If I notice a customer I’m dealing with at my job seems to be seeing it or if its distracting them I just simply say “opps sorry, that’s just an ADHD thing I do…..” and then I go right back into what I was doing. I find in the line of work I do, which is dealing with a variety of individuals most of them just kind of ignore it but I can totally tell with their body language that they appreciate the explanation even it the only thing it helped with was to have them stop being distracted by whatever I’m doing.

You can also do a breaking the news type of style, where you are like “oh yes my desk is cluttered or disorganized thats just my ADHD.” Or you can simply break the news when you are given a task or a job to do and be like “I may need extra time for this, or do you mind explaining this in a different way, I am ADHD and prefer to have this with visual information as well” or you can be like “I am ADHD and I might get distracted in this meeting but I’ll try to take in as much information as possible, I may need to ask questions on information you already stated”

Another way to causally bring it up or slide it into conversations is to shine it up and throw it in. When I say “shine it up” I mean present it with the positive side of it. The best example is if you are at work, or school and you look busy and someone comes up and asks if you can do one more thing. I am always honest so if I’m busy and I can’t take the new task I’ll say no, but if I can I’ll say something like “Sure I can do that, multitasking is a super skill of my ADHD, I like multiple things to focus on” So it gives them information that I am ADHD, it also tells them that I am willing to take the task, but it also gives them a little bit of insight about how I work and manage my ADHD. It lets them know that I am comfortable with multitasking so maybe in the future if they see me doing 2 or 3 different tasks they won’t think I’m being too distracted or overwhelmed they will maybe remember “oh Sheena does multitasking… its ok”.

So you can always just share it as a positive things like “Oh I’m super skilled in that, my ADHD allows me to handle things like this easily.”

There are also less bold and less public ways to bring it up, if you are not comfortable with it, but you have an interest or a desire to let people know but you just don’t feel like you want to be the one to say it, I find the gossip method helpful. Let’s be honest… humans like to gossip, we like to talk about people and things and share stories. Even if they aren’t our own. Now I’m not saying gossiping is a good thing, in some cases when it is hurtful or sharing something that was NOT supposed to be shared that is not good gossip. But sharing fun things can be helpful, so I do use this to my advantage. When I was in school as a mature student, I was an older adult in classes with many young adults, I would share that I’m ADHD with a friend, or a classmate, sometimes I’d just “warn” the student sitting next to me that I might fidget or do things that can be distracting, I let them know “I’m sorry I’ll try not to distract you but I am ADHD” for the most part people now a days are very accepting of differences. Some still aren't and I have had people request to move seats because they don’t want to sit next to me. I have also had people say “that’s not a real thing so whatever” and just ignore me. In the most part people just accept it. I do let that person know, “it’s not a secret, I just wanted to let you know” and you’ll be surprised how quickly in a class of 30 or 40 students, by the end of the month, they all know I have ADHD. Again, gossip can be your friend if done politely, it can also be very helpful in an office. I recently had a new hire start in my department, I was very bold in telling them that I am ADHD, they felt very welcomed and was happy to share that they also had ADHD but that they didn’t tell anyone yet. I asked them if this was something they preferred not to share? I still thanked them for sharing with me. In this case they said they aren’t unwilling to share they just didn’t know how to share it in a work place yet, and they weren’t comfortable enough yet to just share it like me.

So I told them “Hey, everyone here at this office knows I have ADHD, if you want them to know, but don’t feel like sharing, I can help bring it up in conversations, or introductions.” This new hire was welcoming to the idea and by the end of the week the office was aware of another staff member in our department that is ADHD but this new hire did not have to stress about bringing it up. It also didn’t define who they were because they weren’t making it their focus or point at a new job.

I often said things like “oh so this is our new staff member, they are starting this week, I’m super excited that they are working on our rotations because they are ADHD like me so I have a brain buddy here now” many of the staff in my department have become very aware of my ADHD and most are open to learning and understanding ADHD so it was a bit easier for this new staff member, but this isn’t always the case. I have had areas where I have shared my ADHD with others and managers have brushed it off, disagreed with the diagnoses that it was actually a thing, I have even had some people flat out discriminate against me after finding out. I have had people say things like “how did you get this job then?” I mean it can be risky but I would rather know how someone is going to perceive me right away rather then waiting too long and having it be a bigger issue later. When I have been faced with these type of interactions I often know that when I’m working with, or interacting with this person in the future, that providing any explanations or sharing information about my struggles will not be helpful with them, as it most likely means this person will not be receptive of my requests and will often be unwilling to understand my position. Some ADHDers may have had more of these type of interactions so they are less willing to share. I have also had other past new hirers that did disclose to me that they are ADHD but when I tried the same approach they have said “I don’t want anyone else to know” and I’m fully supportive of that! It’s YOUR brain! It’s YOUR ADHD, just like not every ADHD person has the same style, or traits, or symptoms of ADHD our approach to living with it is also different. So you don’t have to share it at all if you don’t want to. If you do, I hope some of these tips can help.

I also wish to share the advice that it does get easier to share your ADHD if you accept it’s part of you. It’s like saying you are left or right handed, its just a part of how you exists here. I personally do try to encourage anyone who wants to share their ADHD but may be unsure if they should. They may wonder if it’s important or maybe they are just not sure if it will make a difference. What I do say to this is, first, it’s apart of who you are, you should be proud of any thing that makes you who you are. We should try and accept any part of ourselves. Second, the more awareness that can be created with people sharing it, can only help ADHD acceptance. The more we share the more awareness and understanding that can spread. As I stated at the beginning, ADHD is invisible to the outside world, there is a lot of people that hear it, and acknowledge it, but very limited number of people actually understand it or are actually aware of what it really is. So I do encourage people to talk about it, and I hope these tips help those that want to but aren’t sure how to. And for those that aren’t ready yet, its ok! No one has any right to know more about you, then you wish for them to know. You don’t have to share your identity in any way, be it gender, sexual orientation, preference or personal status, you are not required to tell anyone anything you don’t want to. I share that I’m ADHD because I want to! Plain and simple, I want people to know I am ADHD, I am not ashamed of it, but I’m also not proud of it, it’s just a part of me, and it’s a part I want to share, because I hope it allows others to be able to communicate with me more effectively.

So Hi, I’m Sheena Shay, I am ADHD, and it was a pleasure to meet you!

Don’t forget to slay it your way!